Afraid

I sit here all day

All alone.

Staring in the dark.

In my room

No windows, no doors

No light

Not a single ray of hope.

Every time I close my eyes

I dream.

I see them staring at me.

I hear them laughing at me

I open my eyes.

I stand up

I fall.

I stand up again

Again I fall.

I stand up once more

I can’t.

When they killed me,

I saved myself.

When I killed myself

They saved me.

“The guilty must be hanged”

Said my Lord.

And they were hanged.

I was found guilty too.

“Oh! Please let me be hanged”

I begged.

My Lord said-

“You must live forever

With the only friend-FEAR.”

Sinner

"May his soul rest in peace."

What they don't know is that

It can never rest in peace.

It has been butchered so many times

Butchered till no blood was left in it.

It was a Butcher too.

It was betrayed so many times

And left all alone

To cry till the tears dried out.

It was a Betrayer too.

It was envied

It was blamed

It was stopped

And never allowed to walk ahead.

It Envied them too.

It was hurt and torn into thousand pieces

Nowhere to run

Nowhere to hide

Nothing to do

Heart ached till he died.

It was a Liar too.

His soul will never rest in peace

For, it's the soul of a Human.

Me

You taught me to dream

Dreams I never dared to dream.

You made sentences out of my words

When I was sailing in the sea of silence.

You taught me to fight

Wars that seemed impossible.

And, When I was afraid

You fought them for me.

You showed me the way

"The road less traveled."

You made me Someone

Noticing the unnoticeable no one.

When I asked, "Who are you?"

You said,"I love you."

The voice came from within.

An Extramarital Affair

His lips are on mine,kissing hard.

"I called to you,

My cries were inaudible over the ringing of your cellphone."

I put his hands upon my breasts.

"I was scared, I needed a hug.

Your shoulders were too tired carrying the laptop."

He touches me,

I moan.

"I held out my hand and waited

Till your hands were free.

But they never were."

He grows inside me,

I am satisfied.

"Honey, I slept several nights

All Alone on our bed.

Waking up with pillows and clean sheets."

I am with him now

He is with me now

We don't know each other.

'Cause we don't love each other.

"I waited and waited, I really waited.

You never came."

We long for lust.

We long for passion.

We long for love.

Ami Ekti Meye

যখন আমি সেজে বেরোই  

লোকে  আমায় রূপবতী বলে ।

যখন আমি পরি পরনে লাল বেনারসী

মাথায় সিঁদুর,কাজল টানা চোখ 

লোকে বলে মা দূর্গা ।

যখন আমার  স্বামি আমায় পুড়িয়ে মারে 

আমি হই দয়ার পাত্রী ।

রাতের অন্ধকারে যখন আমায় 

ওই মানুষগুলো টেনে নিয়ে যায় 

আমি হই সম্বাদ্পত্রের হেডলাইনস ।

যখন আমি পরি টাকার খেলায় 

আমাকে নিয়ে কবিতা লেখে ।

আমি যখন চিত্কার করে বলি 

"আমায় মুক্তি দাও "

সবাই তখন ?

আমি একটি মেয়ে ।

Bhool

আমি বুঝতে পারিনি 

আমাকে ছেড়ে দাও ।

আমায় ও বলল

আমি তাই করলাম ।

বলেছিল ও আমার বন্ধু 

আমি বিশ্বাস করেছিলাম ।

প্রথম যেদিন এসে হাত  বাড়ালো 

বুঝতে পারিনি ওটা ছলনার হাত ।

আমি হাত ধরে এগিয়ে চললাম 

সেই অন্ধকার পথ থেকে আজও ফিরতে পারিনি ।

 ওর প্রথম ছোয়ায় আমি কেঁপে উঠেছিলাম 

ভালবাসার কম্পণ ।

ওর চোখে পিশাচের লোভ 

আমি দেখতে পাইনি ।

বলেছিল আমায় ও ভালবাসে 

আমি খুলে দিলাম আমর বস্ত্র ।

আমার নগ্ন ঘামে ভেজা শরীরে 

পড়ল ওর ঠোঁটের ছোয়া ।

আমি জড়িয়ে ধরি ওকে 

ও জড়িয়ে ধরে আমাকে ।

 তারপর একজন নয়

পরপর চারজন  জড়িয়ে ধরে আমায় ।

আমি বুঝতে পারিনি 

আমাকে ছেড়ে দাও ।

A feminist’s take on a chauvinist society

      As a person grows up in an Indian society one integral thing he learns is that girls are the weaker counterpart of boys, born to serve, never to lead. Is that so? Then why Indira Gandhi became the prime minister of India in 1966 and not only led India but led it successfully for 15 long years? Then why are Indra Nooye the chairman and CEO of PepsiCo, MallikaSrinivasan the CEO of TAFE (Tractor And Farm Equipment), Nilam Dhawan the MD of Hewlett-Packard India, Kirthiga Reddy head of Facebook India, Sheila Dikshit  the chief minister of Delhi etc? The list goes on but still they won’t accept we are more than just flesh and reproductive system.

        My story begins on a September afternoon in a Moral Science class. Our teacher was on a leave at that time, so she was substituted by a Jesuit father. And throughout his forty minutes class, he tried his level best to make us understand that “Women are a beautiful gift of nature; they are born only to give birth and raise their child!” This was said in 2005- much after Rani Lakshmi Bai died fighting for her country no less valiantly than any other patriot, Kalpana Chawla became a NASA astronaut and Barkha Dutt covered Kargil war.

       This has not been the only instance of chauvinism I faced. I grew up in a society where certain streams are considered safe and even the only stream a girl should pursue, where girls are allowed higher education only to become ‘eligible’, where a girls’ marriage comes before her education, where women are always demeaned, where only patriarchal families exist. And even while protesting for justice for rape victim women are called “painted and dented”, instead of passing stricter laws against rapists ­­­­­­­­­and increasing security they pass order to ban skirts in school.

It’s hardly believable that in a society where people from all over the world are praising and supporting Malala for her fight against Taliban to promote women education, people are winning first prize speaking against the motion in a debate organized by a premier university in India on “It is only the filth in our mind and not the dresses of a women which is responsible for sex crimes”.

     People are still hush-hush about the word ‘rape’. We are not to blame only the politicians and the police but the youth is the culprit too. I still remember the day when in our GD session even the use of the word ‘sexual abuse’ brought laughter and smiles on faces, the day of our alumni meet when during a women’s day special skit I heard wolf-whistles, laughter and even claps when eve teasing and rape of a girl was staged and enacted!

     But one question often crosses my mind when I blame the men. Are men the only one to blame for the present condition? During the enactment of the eve teasing I heard the stifling laughter of the girls of our department. During the enactment of the rape scene I saw a look of embarrassment on their faces. I read about a rape case where a lady helps his male counterpart in kidnapping and raping a minor. I read and heard about mother-in-laws abusing and torturing her daughter-in-law for male child – which even goes to the extent of abortion multiple times till her daughter-in-law can take no more and embraces death as her only beautiful escape. Seeing all these, I am yet to find an answer to this question.

     Whatever they may say, but in the end we live in a society where even Laura Holt had to invent a male counterpart RemingtonSteele to attract cases because “a female investigator seems so feminine”. We live in a society where a male child is still yearned for over a girl child, where always a mother has to discard her job to raise her family and not the father. Men are too obstinate to change this unconscionable situation.

     All this defines one word – chauvinism. I am often curious about the origin of this word. I think the definition of chauvinism roots back to the fetus of this society. This word defines the whole society. Since ancient times, this society has remained chauvinist. Men have failed and that too have failed deliberately to treat them as their equals. But what scares me most is that, the society at large has turned into a misogynist society. Women, teenagers, even children are raped ruthlessly, irrespective of whether they wear skirts or a sari, female fetuses are killed mercilessly, immigrant women are denied jobs, girl trafficking has increased at an alarming rate during the past few years. These cases have increased so much that even the announcement of establishment of 1stWomen's Bank in India in the Budget'13 seems too small to celebrate for. It grieves my heart when my male colleagues and batch mates use slang against their female counterparts for so small a crime as being born as a girl. I feel insulted and depressed when they express their feelings of surprise and shock on any of my achievements. Can a feminist ever change this situation? It hurts but it's true that even a million feminists can never change the present mindset of men because there's a huge difference between nonchalant chauvinism and voluntary misogynous.  Still we fight to bring that miracle which would lead us out of their shadows into the light.